Ryan and Juliet

Juliet

Ryan

Ryan and Juliet,

I feel it’s important, no, imperative, that I tell you my story of the day you were both born. I will likely tell it again every year for the rest of your lives.  Every mother has her story, and so it’s only right that I have mine…

One year ago today your father and I started our day at the crack of dawn in order to be prepped and ready for the doctor to deliver. It was all for naught as our doctor forgot and was off doing research and would come when he finished. Alas he arrived and I was rolled in for a c-section delivery. Juliet was born at 9:13am, 5lbs 12oz. Ryan, two minutes later at 9:15am, 6lbs 9oz. Daddy saw you both first and came to me crying with happiness and said that you are definitely a Ryan and a Juliet.

Daddy brought Juliet over to me first. You had a round little face, and round little eyes, and a round little nose, and a round little mouth. In fact, I mentioned later that I could draw your face with just circles. Your Daddy and I cried as he held you and I looked upon your beautiful little face. I remember thinking you looked calm, not frightened as I thought you would be.  I loved you immediately Juliet.  But then, I think I loved you before I even saw you.

Ryan, when you came out you were too cold and so they placed you under the heat lamp to get warm. I had to wait to see you until we got back to our room. When finally, I got to hold you, I kissed you and cried, and thanked God for the miracle of you. You had little wrinkles on your forehead that I oh so loved to kiss. You were eager for food, but not exactly sure where or how to find it. I held you and kissed you and held you and kissed you. Reluctantly I shared you with your Dad and your grandparents, but later you were returned to me for more holding and kissing.

I remember my stay in the hospital being this magical, life altering experience. I was so scared and frightened, but at the same time so excited. It felt like Christmas when I was little and I couldn’t wait to wake up and see what presents Santa brought me. It was the same thing. They brought you both to the nursery overnight. They told me I needed to sleep and I suppose they were right. But I couldn’t wait to see you again. In the morning I would stare at the clock until finaly it was 5:30am and I would go in and get you so that I could hold you (and yes kiss you) both while you slept. You were mine! All mine! Well, Daddy’s too of course, but it was an amazing feeling.

One day you might think about having a family and I will tell you this: I mean it when I said I was scared and frightened. The world that was yesterday was no longer today. I could no longer just go to a movie or dinner or shopping on a whim. It was a life that abruptly ended and I was given a new one. I believe I went through a period of loss for that old life. Seven stages of grief and all. But along the way, I would never have traded in my new life for the old. I was as much attached to you as you both were to me. I need my babies and my babies needed me. So know that being a parent is not easy. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, but also the best, most amazing, wonderful job in world.

Hug, kiss,

mom